“Can I have one chocolate cake, please?”
“And I’ll have one strawberry cheesecake, please”, you said.
“Pfft! Same old, same old, why won’t you try anything chocolate-y?” I said while giving you a disapproving look.
“I hate it, you know that”, you said while frowning at me.
“Hahaha, and I just love it so much! And I still don’t get how you love strawberries that much! For God’s sake you’re a guy!”
That’s how we are. We’ve always been total opposite. We’ve fought a little too often and made up just as much. And we often wondered how we fell for each other when we’re living in our own secular worlds. As weird as it may sound, I fell for you, eventually and I love you, still. More than you’ll ever imagine. More than I’ve ever known, that I am capable of loving someone this much.
You are the ray of sunlight on my cloudy winter morning, the raindrops on my searing summer days. You have opened up a new world for me, and made me see the other side of me I never knew I have.
I miss you.
“Loving you ain’t easy,” you said. It ain’t easy for me too. There are times when it feels like it’s just too much to put up with, too hard to bear, because I could no longer rely on you. There are times when giving up and letting go seem like the only sane alternatives.
But each time doubt looms along with the tears that go with it, the memories of you keep me going.
The endless nights we spent in each other’s arms, the joy and sadness we shared, the late night suppers we had, our very first kiss and countless kisses afterwards, long walks on beaches, the games we played together, the movies we watched, the quarrels we had, the times we spent arguing about trivial stuffs, the times you have to put up with me and my selfishness, all the sacrifices you made for me.
And I could never thank you enough, for loving me the way I am, for always being there for me no matter how tough I am to put up with, for supporting me unconditionally, for holding my hands during my hardest moments, for being my best friend, for all the time you listened, for making me smile when I need it most, for making my days, for catching me when I fall and for being who you are.
Thank you.
And I ask myself this question over and over again, “Is he worth the wait?” I believe there are some things in life that are worth fighting for until the end, and you are worth it.
Sometimes when I walk down the same paths we used to walk, seeing places we used to go together, I could feel tears start welling up in my eyes, realizing how your absence has left a gaping hole in my life. But I believe that one day you will come back eventually. Yes, I am going to suffer, I will have hard times, and I will have to endure many disappointments – but all of this is temporary, and it leaves no permanent mark. And I sincerely hope that one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken. It would be a long journey, but I will persevere.
And every time I miss you all through my restless nights, I’ll tell myself that as long as we are underneath the same big sky, we are close to each other, no matter how far apart it may seem. I’ll promise myself to be strong. And when I could feel tears start dripping down my cheek, I’ll take one deep breath and try my best to keep smiling, and then I’ll close my eyes and say my little prayer, hoping that you’ll be fine and may God bless this journey we’ve taken.
I’ll always be longing for the day, when I’ll finally be able to hear you say “Can I have one strawberry cheesecake, please”, again. And then I’ll order my usual chocolate cake. And everything else in this world doesn’t seem to matter, because we’re finally there, holding hands, staring at each other’s eyes, because we’re finally together.
NB: forgive me for being cheesy, but I was truly sincere when I wrote this entry :)
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